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You Get What You Need
(Season: 3 Episode: 5)
First Aired: 10/26/2008
Nora: I have run a household of seven. I know it's an unpaid, unappreciated position, but I defy you to do what I did for the past forty some-odd years. I organized the schedules of five extremely well-rounded children. I ran carpools and bake sales and c negotiated and mandated and coddled all at the same time. Not to mention what I had to do for my husband to keep him well-rounded and productive. And I did all of this without taking a sick day. The problem is no one values the experience of a stay-at-home parent, which is truly a shame. Because basically running this big enterprise, as you put it, would be a day at the beach.
Kevin: Wow, what happened to your favorite chant, "We're here, we're queer, get used to it"?
Scotty: You've met my parents.
Kevin: Yes, I have. And they scare me. So I won't antagonize them by French kissing you in public.
Scotty: I promise to make it up to you when they're gone.
Kevin: I didn't make partner. They gave it to someone else. And I couldn't say anything at dinner because I was so humiliated. This is by no means an excuse, but when I left work, all I could think of was getting to you. Because I knew when I see you, I would feel okay. When I got there, the only pair of eyes that I wanted to see were yours, because all I wanted was a hug.
(Cooper's holding a caterpillar he found in his room.)
Cooper: Can I stay up until the butterfly comes?
Sarah: Well, that would be a very long time.
Cooper: Okay.
Kevin: I'm sorry, I thought we came here to break the ice and to get to know each other, but I feel like I'm not even here.
Scotty: Kevin...
Kevin: What? Can we please stop pretending that everything is fine and that we're having a real conversation?
Bertha: I thought we were having one.
Kevin: No, no, that would require you to be a little less passive aggressive. You can fawn on my sister and her husband because they're in your pantheon of gods, you can honour their version of an alternative family, but you know what? Maybe I'm not smart, but someday, maybe we would like to adopt.